Title: A love letter to Ficus Carica
I am but only a child, struggling to love.
In the mid of 2019, I left my previous church and was searching for a place to belong. 6 months later, I joined Seed and Sprout in FCC. Another 6 months in, I somehow found myself in a peculiar position of being 1 out of 3 facilitators to our now 1-year old cell group – Ficus Carica.
Little did I know that God was planting a seed in me by placing me in this role. An excerpt from ‘Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry’ by Henri Nouwen (graciously introduced by Wendy, our Sprout leader) stuck with me during this time and changed my perspective towards community –
“But community is not loneliness grabbing onto loneliness: “I’m so lonely, and you’re so lonely.” It’s solitude grabbing onto solitude: “I am the beloved; you are the beloved; together we can build a home.”” I was in search of what a community could give me but instead I was humbled to find what I could give to a community, to you.
You have told me I am wise and level-headed; you have relied on me for support and advice; you have trusted my words and opened your hearts. My partner, a non-believer, asked if God sent me to him to show him he could be loved just as he is. I am overwhelmed to be receiving these responses because I never knew I could love like this, I never knew I could be this person you have described.
Would you have believed that a few years ago, I was stuck in a toxic relationship, not knowing when or how to leave? Would you have believed, I used to get anxiety attacks so bad that I’d shut down and attempt to take my life? Would you have believed, I was fully convinced that I was too weak to be a part of this world?
Would you have believed this person was me?
I realised I had been so focused on the work God is doing in my job, in my romantic relationships, in my friendships, that I failed to see that the greatest work God is doing for me, is in me. Each one of you has shown me what it means to be a graceful giver and a humble receiver of God’s love.
Thank you for being God’s love in human form. Thank you for all the gentle words and wisdom, spoken and unspoken. Thank you for showing up in courageous vulnerability, physically and virtually. Thank you for giving me the chance to know you and love you all.
I am but only a child, surrounded with love.