This advent I reflect on my hope for the world and myself. As I go about my life in a society that consumes at the expense of the environment and others, how can I live and continue to live in such a way that I do not become like the seed that fell among the thorns, and is choked by worries of the world and by the lure of wealth and comfort? (Matthew 13:22)
I am reflecting on what Jesus meant when They said They are the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6), and I wonder how Jesus made a living, how did They afford Their basic necessities, did They have hobbies, what did They do for fun? I am thinking about my internal conflict with recreation and entertainment. I recently bought a Nintendo Switch gaming console… Could I have channeled these hundreds of dollars to a meaningful cause instead?
I’ve also been thinking about the story of the widow who gave all she had to live on, as an offering to the temple, and Jesus said she had put more into the treasury than everyone else there (Mark 12:44).
I don’t see myself as well-to-do, I worry about my ability to sustain employment because of my mental health struggles, my highest educational qualification is A level and I’m set to complete my degree only around the age of 30. That’s much opportunity cost in terms of career progression, income level and savings.
I worry a lot, go through bouts of coming up with “great plans” to earn big and do good at the same time, like plans to go into real estate and serve the queer community, then swing towards desires to leave this rat race society all together, question how realistic my plans are, and/or question my intentions and integrity of striving for money, whether they are aligned with God’s heart. Then, when the dust settles, I try to live in the moment again, often distracted, often wandering and wondering.
In some way, I think this was how many people who were waiting for Jesus’ coming felt. I hope to God I embrace this “messiah” in my circumstance and it does not pass me by.