Go: Be Reconciled
28 April 2024
Miak Siew
I kicked off this sermon series “Go” asking two questions that Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan brought up in the book “The Last Week.”
“Do you accept Jesus as your personal lord and saviour” and “Do you accept Jesus as your political lord and saviour?”
I know the word “political” may cause some discomfort – some of you may be thinking “we shouldn’t be talking about politics in church.”
But honestly – they are simply two aspects of this question – Do you accept Jesus as your lord and saviour? Too often we partition off and compartmentalize our lives – so when we talk about accepting Jesus as our personal lord, that only applies to “worship”.
Everything else, the other areas of our lives – whether it is our political views, our stance on social issues, our finances, our relationships – well, those aren’t considered worship.
We do that, so Jesus isn’t lord in these other areas of our lives. We sing Lord I give you my heart, I give you my soul, but in reality, we get to decide what works best for us, what is most comfortable for us.
Well, Jesus said love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength – throughout Jesus’ teachings – he taught us to love God not through the performative aspects of religion, but through how we live our lives – ALL the areas of our lives.
Of course this isn’t easy. After the sermon Go: into the world, I had a few discussions with folks – and I do know how challenging these topics can be. It pushes us out of our comfort zones. Some of you struggled with seeing how “politics” affect your life.
The word “politics” comes from the Greek word “polis” (πόλις), which means “city” or “city-state.” In ancient Greece, the city-state, or polis, was the fundamental political unit, and political life was centered around the affairs of the city-state. The word “politics” originally referred to the activities, actions, and policies that were involved in governing a city-state.
How a city is governed, its activities, actions and policies should reflect the values of its people. Of course, there are times when this doesn’t align – sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes out of lack of foresight, and sometimes, there are compromises – we have to prioritise what values are more important especially when we have limited resources.
Then, what has how a city is governed got to do with us?
I want to ask – what does God require of us?
Loving God is worshipping God by doing what God requires.
And what does the Lord require of you? (Micah 6:8)
“but to do justice and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God?”
We often quote Henri Nouwen’s article – “Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry.” This applies here – the values we hold dear should translate from the level of how we live as individuals, to us as a community, and how our society is structured. Values like caring for the least amongst us, like justice, peace, love.
We are commanded to “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the greatest and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:38-39)
We often don’t (well I often don’t) pay attention to the fine details – it is only when I prepare for sermon that some details pop up.
I hope by now these two commandments are imprinted in your heart, mind and soul.
There is a detail I want to draw your attention to
“And a second is like it” – Jesus is saying here – Loving you neighbour as yourself is like / similar to Loving God.
So – keeping that in mind as we “go” – Loving God is worshipping God by doing what God requires.
The past few Sundays, we have focused outwards – after all “Go” is very much a word that is action-oriented, and directed outwards. I started with “Go Into the World,” Pauline followed with “Go: Abide and Bear Fruit” and Gary talked about “Go Make Disciples.”
Today, I want to highlight that while we are told to “Go,” that doesn’t mean we neglect the work we need to do within ourselves.
I say this because I have seen this often – that many people direct their focus on external things, because they are running away from, and / or avoiding having to deal with things happening within themselves. I know this quite well – when I am stressed, or have uncomfortable emotions, I end up spring cleaning the house. Or instead of fixing my own problems, I busy myself trying to fix other people’s problems.
So I want to highlight something that Jesus said in Matthew 5:21-24 that struck me.
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder,’ and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister,[e] you will be liable to judgment, and if you insult[f] a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council, and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell[g] of fire. 23 So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.
“go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.”
This passage has always jumped up at me. To me, this echoes why Jesus gave two commandments instead of one when asked what the greatest commandment is.
Loving God (offering gift at the altar) and loving your neighbour as yourself (reconciling with those around us) are both acts of worship. We cannot neglect one or the other. Yet, very often, we substitute one for the other – especially neglecting what is not easy – reconciliation.
What I talk about reconciliation – I have been asked this many times – What if the other person doesn’t forgive me? Or What if I am still angry? Or does it mean that I condone the wrongdoing? Does it mean that we cannot hold someone accountable for their behaviour / actions? What if that person does really, really wronged me? Do I have to forgive murderers? I have come across some of these in my conversations with some of you, and in some of your answers on menti in past sermons.
I find myself asking these questions too when I am angry at someone.
And I think these questions are very similar to Peter’s question to Jesus in Matthew 18.
“Lord, if my brother or sister sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven[i] times.
There is an interesting footnote here – because what is translated as seventy seven can also be translated as seventy times seven.
If we are honest with ourselves, Peter’s question, as well as ours, come from a place of unwillingness. We want to have a limit on how much forgiving we have to do.
What emotions and/or thoughts are you having now about forgiveness and reconciliation?
I want to honour these emotions. I believe some of you have been deeply hurt before. And that unwillingness to let go, to forgive, to reconcile – comes from a place of not wanting to be hurt again.
At the same time, I also want you to be healed. That these past hurts do not hold you prisoner.
Jesus says “But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister,[e] you will be liable to judgment… So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.”
Notice here that Jesus didn’t say “if your sibling is angry with you, go be reconciled” but the other way round – “If you are angry.”
When we are angry, we come from a feeling of being wronged. That the other person has done something wrong (especially to us).
So what do you think Jesus means by “first be reconciled”?
I think it means whether or not the other person asked for forgiveness, we learn how to let go of that anger.
Anger doesn’t go away on its own. I will let you in on something – Even though I am not a parent myself, I subscribe and follow some social media accounts on parenting. They have a lot to teach me!
One of the posts that got me thinking about anger was this one about working with a child.
“I am 5. Today my mother won’t let me go play at the park. So I punched her. She held my hands and said “It’s okay to be angry but it’s not okay to punch me.”
I get so mad when she says that! I know! She told me so many times already! It doesn’t help me! Why do my parents keep saying that?
I don’t know what to do with my angry feelings! That’s what I need help with!”
So “She held my hands and said “I am holding your hands so I don’t get punched. Are you so upset I said no? You really really were hoping to play at the park today?”
“Yes!”
Yeah! Even though it won’t work for me to go today, I feel said imagining how disappointing it is for you.”
My body felt soothed by her care.
Later on, we discussed what else I can do when I am upset. We thought of a few ideas. She told me it might be hard to remember in the moment when I feel so upset so she’ll step in and help me if I forget.
They need my support. To step in and stop them, to hear their anger, to calm their body and then, later, to help them think of better strategies for the next time.”
You know what that taught me? That anger needs to be heard.
While the Bible is clear about what we have to do, very often, it is quite skimpy on the details. And I think we must be fair as well – the Bible cannot contain every situation we find ourselves in. We’ll have to figure out along the strategies along the way.
What does that require?
We work on ourselves, and our healing our past hurts (that tend to trigger us). If we have been betrayed before, then betrayal can become a trigger… if we have been lied to before, then even a white lie can trigger us.
We pay attention especially when we get triggered – our reaction disproportionate to what is happening.
In my experience – most of the time when we sit down and think about things – things are not black and white. We are not entirely right.
“To see, we must stop being in the middle of the picture. – Satprem
Seeing something from another person’s point of view is an important spiritual awakening. The moment of understanding is a gift. We didn’t expect it, but suddenly it is there. Our world grows larger because our view of that person changes. That, in turn, deepens our awareness and can deepen the relationship itself. Having someone take the risk of sharing himself or herself is precious because it shows that we have proven worthy of their trust.
It is a good feeling to feel the immediate connection that comes with understanding someone in a new way. We might experience compassion, love, or respect. One thing is sure: there is no room for the negative in a true moment of awakening.
Such gifts come because we have been willing to search for them, and for that we can give ourselves credit.”
I want to highlight – what reconciliation is NOT about. Reconciliation is not about who is right and who is wrong. It is about right relationship.
Too often we are unable to reconcile because we are stuck on who is right and who is wrong. Our ego needs us to be “in the right” and the other person to be in the wrong. And sometimes, we are unwilling to see that sometimes we have some (big or small) part to play in the situation ourselves. I would like to invite you to let go of the need to be right.
Second, I want to emphasize – reconciliation isn’t about letting someone off the hook. We can reconcile, and still be able to hold someone accountable for their behaviours and actions. We can set healthy boundaries and at the same time not limit how much forgiving we have to do.
This work of reconciliation isn’t just applicable on an individual level – Go be reconciled also applies to the community and societal level.
There was an accident in Tampines that two people died. Many, myself included, were outraged.
How did you feel? Angry? Why?
I came across many comments that want the driver to be punished. I myself had those feelings – but where do those feelings come from? What is the basis of those feelings? It comes from wanting to inflict pain on the driver, as much as the pain and suffering the driver has inflicted on other people.
That is wanting vengeance. That is revenge. That is retributive justice. And really – that is us wanting to dispense justice as how we see things. That is us wanting to play God.
Can we find a way to deal with the anger and yet hold the driver accountable?
How does accountability look like?
Elisabeth Kubler Ross said “When you make your transition, you are asked two things basically; how much love have you been able to give and receive, and how much service have you rendered. And you will know every consequence of every deed, every thought, every word you have ever uttered, and that is symbolically speaking, going through hell when you see many chances you have missed. But you also see how a nice act of kindness has touched hundreds of lives you are unaware of. And that is heaven.”
What would be justice – would be helping the driver see the point of view of those lives he has affected. And I suspect, when people have harmed others, they shut themselves out of that connection so they don’t feel the pain and suffering they inflicted.
One of the examples that come to mind of how this reconciliation looks like on a societal level is the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, South Africa (TRC), courtlike body established by the new South African government in 1995 to help heal the country and bring about a reconciliation of its people by uncovering the truth about human rights violations that had occurred during the period of apartheid.
The commission was tasked with investigating human rights abuses committed from 1960 to 1994, including the circumstances, factors, and context of such violations; allowing victims the opportunity to tell their story; granting amnesty; constructing an impartial historical record of the past; and drafting a reparations policy. Finally, the TRC would compile a final report, providing comprehensive accounts of the activities and findings of the commission together with recommendations of measures to prevent future violations of human rights.
Those watching on the sidelines may want to see retributive justice meted out, but revenge or retributive justice rarely closes the wounds or eases the suffering and pain caused.
Rather, in many instances, healing happens when the victims are heard – especially heard by the perpetrators. And here I don’t mean just listening to – but really understanding. When victims see that the perpetrators get it, understand the pain and suffering they have inflicted, there is closure. Because in the process of understanding, the perpetrators also feel a fraction of what they have inflicted and have to come to terms with it.
I want to read you from Romans 12:9-21 – and I hope in the light of what I have shared, you see what Paul has written in a new light.
Marks of the True Christian
9 Let love be genuine; hate what is evil; hold fast to what is good; 10 love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not lag in zeal; be ardent in spirit; serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; persevere in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints; pursue hospitality to strangers.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another; do not be arrogant, but associate with the lowly;[b] do not claim to be wiser than you are. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18 If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God,[c] for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 Instead, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink, for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
